Finally.... a response to those Women's rules that have been floating around the web....

These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered '1 '
ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.

2. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

4. Sunday sports It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

5. Crying is blackmail.

6. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

7. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

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The seven dwarfs go to the Vatican , and because they are the seven dwarfs, they are immediately ushered in to see the Pope. Grumpy leads the pack.

'Grumpy, my son,' says the Pope, 'What can I do for you?'

Grumpy asks, 'Excuse me your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome ?'

The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment and answers, 'No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome .'

In the background, a few of the dwarfs start giggling.
Grumpy turns around and glares, silencing them.

Grumpy turns back, 'Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe ?'

The Pope, puzzled now, again thinks for a moment and then answers, 'No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe.'

This time, all of the other dwarfs burst into laughter.

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RyanAir - what an airline! I wrote about their insatiable appetite for media coverage and their cheesy advertising campaigns already. Today I had an email promoting their charity calendar which uses words like 'stripped for action' in regard to their own flight attendants. They have also posted a video to Youtube regarding the making of the calendar...

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Just recently I have been looking into business opportunities and in particular franchising opportunities. Franchising provides you a route into business ownership with the back-up of a larger organisation. By purchasing a franchise, new business owners are able to avoid enduring the learning curve of operating a new business by taking advantage of a proven business model and product. It’s an opportunity to be in business for yourself but not by yourself.

Franchises provide you with a supported business meaning you can get on with running it knowing that things like advertising and so forth are done for you.

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The Czech Republic thrives on Fairy Tales and it has a rich culture of such tales often made into Czech movies which get shown on TV over and over again. These movies are shown around Christmas mainly and Christmas without seeing these Czech Fairy Tales is akin to Christmas in the US without seeing 'White Christmas' on TV or perhaps without seeing 'Scrooge' in the UK. Unsurprisingly then, all Czechs have a strong affiliation for these tales, movies and songs from the movies.

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A guy is sitting in the bar in departures at a busy airport.
A beautiful woman walks in and sits down at the table next to him.
He decides because she's got a uniform on, she's probably an off-duty
flight attendant. So he decides to have a go at picking her up by identifying the airline she flies for, thereby impressing her greatly.

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The financial crisis is deepening and many people are feeling the impact but that doesn't stop people being witty about it. Here are a selection of jokes about the crisis that people have sent me...

Q: What's the difference between a merchant bank and Katie Price?
A: Both are institutions whose reputation is built on assets that, on closer inspection, turn out to be entirely artificial, vastly over-inflated and in danger of going through the floor at any moment. But at least Katie Price is still worth something.

Q. What do you call five hedge fund managers at the bottom of the ocean?
A. A good start.

Q. What's the difference between an investment banker and a pigeon?
A. The pigeon is still capable of leaving a deposit on a new Ferrari.

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As the USA enters a deep and long lasting recession all areas of government are being forced to cut costs including defence leading to the deployment of some new and more cost effective weaponry by the USA. These new weapons include miniaturization of fighter jets as seen below;

The New Miniature Jet Fighter

The plans also call for utilization of cheaper weaponry deployed on 'normal' sized jets as seen below;

Cheaper Weapons

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Well, most women don't think so as this funny little .gif proves. Note: some people might find this offensive even though it is just an animated cartoon so please click through to see it....

At a time when no one can sell a house in the USA, Mr. Steve Rush is selling a cave on eBay. Bids start at $899,000. Wonder if you can actually get a mortgage on a cave???

See the story in full here

By the looks of this, he joined the army!

Is this THE perfect wedding dress???

Yes folks I have created a Rant-Here Store where you can buy silly and stupid items just in time for Christmas.... Give it a look and send a gift to an enemy or two...

Rant-Here Store

In some quarters the F word is used routinely - every second word leaving their mouth begins with F and ends in K. It's sad that such a useful word has become corrupted and watered down in this manner.

There are some circumstances in which a word such as F**K really is required to express shock, concern, anger and so on. For some Americans waking up today, the election of Obama might elicit such a response. The idea that the Democrats have walked to a victory across the board might elicit the same response.

But it seems to me that only events like these below are worthy of uttering the word - F**K....

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I found this on a website run by a friend. It is I think highly illustrative of why taxing the rich isn't a very good approach. Obama - take note please.

Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer, and the bill for all ten comes to $100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this:

The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.
The fifth would pay $1.
The sixth would pay $3.
The seventh would pay $7.
The eighth would pay $12.
The ninth would pay $18.
The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.

So, that’s what they decided to do.

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In Scotland a real man wears a kilt and nought underneath... Of course, if you really go without underwear, sitting at the bar of a cold evening for a scotch can be rather uncomfortable....unless you have a bar stool like this one....

So Tuesday is the big day for the US and much of the World as we will find out who will be the next Supremo of the free world. Frankly, at this point, I don't give a jot. I am so sick of the pair of them and the stupidity that gets called politics in the US and wait for the relative silence after the election when we can all return to reading real news about real people.

US elections have no substance. It's all nonsense spouted by each parties PR machine and in response to the gajllion polls that get issued on an hourly basis. Who the hell cares? What I want to know is what do you intend to do if elected not what your preacher said last week, who you hung with when a young kid or whether you inhaled while smoking weed at college.

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Guy Ritchie apparently thinks Madonna should dress her age... I agree. In the UK we have an expression that is used to refer to older women who dress much younger...mutton dressed as lamb. Madonna is clearly in great shape from a fitness point of view but she looks stupid dressed like a young tart. She also looks old frankly and worn around the edges.

I'll admit that don't like Madonna. Ambitious, pushy and egotistical. What has she really contributed to the world?? Certainly not more than the average anonymous mother her age. Indeed, I hate superstars that come believe their own PR and behave rather stupidly as a result....

It's hard to browse the internet and not read all of the conspiracy theories out there but I for one am beginning to wonder.... the evidence that 911 was an inside job continues to accumulate and I somehow believe that the current financial crisis is somewhat convenient too.

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